anti-cashier

you know anticomedy?
how you like break the typical rules of what a joke is
well, I'm the anti-cashier
I do all the shit that I just, shouldn't and people tip me like crazy

example, a guy who was kinda cute walked in
glasses and dark hair, nice smile
and we were almost closing so no one was around and I literally was just standing there with nothing to do
he like looked at our massive pastry case, perplexed
so I said, "Hello! if you're looking for something sweet and want a suggestion - I'm right here!," which was a total freudian slip
... then he just kinda grinned and said, "Okay, just let me think about it for a moment."

when he finally came to the register I realized his girlfriend was standing only a few feet away but was just out of my line of view and she was glaring at me

they tipped me 2 dollars for a 4 dollar pastry that she ended up paying for

... I just like bumble through social interactions until people give me money.

summer planz

This is the first time in far too many years I will have the summer free of all academic endeavors, so I'm gonna try and do everything I have been putting off. We'll just see what happens.

1. make watercolors and silkscreened t-shirts.

2. create etsy store to sell aforementioned items.

2. attend or volunteer at grassroots.

3. write 2 letters a week. (oh, no! I'm out of stationary. plan 2.5: get new fancy stationary!)

4. read at least 1 book per week on my porch with some locally made wine.

5. attempt to understand how guitars work.

6. get $$$ for music festival in Montreal to see Sigur Ros.

7. actually go to the ink shop instead of dreaming about it, maybe even take a class there or whatever they do.

8. sleep more than 4 or 5 hours a night, every night.

9. make fancy breakfast way more often than necessary.

10. get so many freckles they overlap and it makes me look tan (not so much for the physical appearance, just to be outdoors!)

11. watch so many foreign films. how many? so.

12. jump into every gorge possible and just visit the others.

we'll see what happens. TELL ME YR SUMMER PLANZ.

Internal Deception

I have heard so many people explain that they love their significant other completely, but their stories of how they interact with them hardly match the adoration they profess. If you love someone, you will not claim that they are an inconvenience or get upset by their typical personality to the point where you need to actively treat them badly. Something clearly isn't working, and it might be you just are not that happy with them. Recently I had a discussion with a friend and he used a phrase I have never heard before, "internal deception." The idea is that we convince ourselves that we are truly happy at a given moment, when our lives are actually just dumpsters full of mediocrity. People do a series of horrible things while believing it doesn't affect them, then start rotting from the gloopy innards out. I know it is a generalization, and I honestly love cool unnaturally colored hairs, but I think that is when nearly 87% of bad hair dye jobs happen. "Oh, my life is shit but I am going to pretend it is okay - why don't I dye my hair pepto-bismal pink in my black mold infested bathroom because I need a CHANGE in my life!" Altering your appearance will only do so much for that gnarly kink in your life hose.

One of my mantras since the inception of 2012 (you know, 'CAUSE WE ALL GUN DIE ANYWAY. WHOO - MAYAN CALENDAR!) has been "Whatever, fuck it." No longer will I compromise my beliefs and my self for others or for sake of reputation. I realized that although I never lived according to other people directly, I was certainly influenced by external forces more than necessary. I have just stopped caring about expectations and goals and dignity. I'm fucking too young to set limitations on my experiences and shit needs to get real now before I have a stable family life or a regular job.

My aunt Heidi lived a hard a fast paced life, full of amazing experiences and she had a helluva good time doing it. However, when I was a teenager she died of a rare form of leukemia. I was not exceptionally close with her before she was sick, but when she was battling with the disease my entire family starting telling her most brilliant anecdotes and I felt a connection with her, even if it was just through family storytelling. After death, her life has been a huge inspiration for me. When she was in and out of the hospital, "You Get What You Give" was pretty popular and it always reminds me of her attitude, or what I pieced together through the relayed memories.

What I am getting at is now is the time for ridiculous adventures, mistakes and all the bits of life I have previously ignored. So, uh, if you have any good ideas for mischief and debauchery send them my way.

This is somewhat unrelated, but I adore the song Lloyd I'm Ready To Be Heartbroken by Camera Obscura. The idea of not being able to see beyond your nose when you're inebriated on good feelings is so accurate. Just sayin'.